1
00:00:04,860 --> 00:00:09,000
Fighting pool, fighting pool. One's a
dog, but the other's cool.

2
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:14,280
A thing a web should have done. Find
your girl, get her done. Watch out!

3
00:00:14,740 --> 00:00:16,340
Sit on the fighting pool.

4
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:21,920
If a foot, they will bang her all night.

5
00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:26,660
Touch it down, and you'll shit out of
luck.

6
00:00:27,300 --> 00:00:28,300
Fighting pool.

7
00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:31,500
Spidey -poo, if you pop them, then
you're a fool.

8
00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:33,780
He's the wind from a thread.

9
00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:40,240
We just love getting dead. Hey, man,
when I send some hot pics, they're gonna

10
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:41,460
all out fancy.

11
00:00:41,740 --> 00:00:43,500
Here comes Spidey -poo.

12
00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:37,160
The library asked me to work a double
night shift.

13
00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:48,520
Are you sure that double shift didn't
have blonde hair and a huge dent?

14
00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:21,520
Was it something I said?

15
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:23,800
No, silly.

16
00:02:24,140 --> 00:02:26,880
I had an audition and my alarm didn't go
off.

17
00:02:28,860 --> 00:02:30,900
Okay, another stupid audition.

18
00:02:32,660 --> 00:02:33,660
What'd you say?

19
00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:36,740
I said... I said great.

20
00:02:38,140 --> 00:02:42,200
You know, you could always come with me
for the new Deadpool movie.

21
00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:43,640
Can you find Reynolds?

22
00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:47,540
Well, I'd love to.

23
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:49,300
But I gotta...

24
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,900
I gotta finish a chemistry paper.

25
00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:53,240
It's due tomorrow.

26
00:02:53,660 --> 00:02:55,120
Bummer. Hey, Tiger.

27
00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:56,580
You're such a bookworm.

28
00:02:57,220 --> 00:02:58,220
How do I look?

29
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:00,580
Amazing.

30
00:03:05,740 --> 00:03:10,760
After my audition, I'm gonna meet Alicia
at the Village Village.

31
00:03:11,140 --> 00:03:12,180
Should be done around four.

32
00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:13,440
Do you think?

33
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:14,339
You bet.

34
00:03:14,340 --> 00:03:15,920
Great. See you later, handsome.

35
00:03:32,460 --> 00:03:36,140
with the jaw and turn the face toward
the light. That is perfect.

36
00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:38,460
Perfect. Can I help you?

37
00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:41,980
Oh, uh, yes. Hi, I'm Mary Jane Watson.

38
00:03:42,340 --> 00:03:44,360
I'm here to read for the role of Satana
Hellstrom.

39
00:03:44,860 --> 00:03:45,860
Sure.

40
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,080
Let me get your ID.

41
00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:49,560
Thank you.

42
00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:53,240
Here's some paperwork.

43
00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:57,260
If you'll please fill that out and have
a seat. I'll get back to you in a

44
00:03:57,260 --> 00:03:58,260
minute.

45
00:04:09,700 --> 00:04:10,700
Boss. Boss.

46
00:04:10,940 --> 00:04:12,180
What? Action!

47
00:04:13,180 --> 00:04:14,820
What? Are we over time?

48
00:04:15,300 --> 00:04:18,540
No, we're not. Over time, I rented the
theater for 26 hours.

49
00:04:19,500 --> 00:04:20,899
This should be fine.

50
00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:22,820
You scared the shit out of me, man.

51
00:04:24,060 --> 00:04:28,240
What? Look, there's a young lady here
who wants to read her role of Satan's

52
00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:31,420
daughter. Oh, we already cast her to get
drinking. She's perfect.

53
00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:33,880
Yeah, well, I think we should take a
look at her.

54
00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:38,500
You know, I think the carpets match the
drapes, you know what I mean?

55
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:40,600
Hmm.

56
00:04:40,820 --> 00:04:43,720
I don't know. She kind of looks like a
can of Jameswood right here, but sure.

57
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:45,080
We'll figure it out.

58
00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:48,400
DP?

59
00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:50,560
What's wrong? Everybody clear the stage!

60
00:04:50,860 --> 00:04:51,860
Oh, great. You know,

61
00:04:57,000 --> 00:05:00,680
being back here on the board reminds me
of my early days in theater.

62
00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:03,860
To be or not to be.

63
00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:06,020
That is... the question.

64
00:05:06,280 --> 00:05:08,280
James! James!

65
00:05:09,220 --> 00:05:11,960
James, please clear the stage.

66
00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:13,960
Yes, of course.

67
00:05:18,300 --> 00:05:19,980
Good luck, Miss.

68
00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:22,080
Watson. Mary Jane Watson.

69
00:05:22,820 --> 00:05:23,820
Enchanté.

70
00:05:24,620 --> 00:05:27,520
I'm James LeBleu, agent of the stars.

71
00:05:28,140 --> 00:05:29,300
Pleasure to meet you.

72
00:05:29,660 --> 00:05:30,639
Pleasure to meet you.

73
00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:33,960
Do you have, um, Mr. Reynolds?

74
00:05:34,380 --> 00:05:35,380
Mr.

75
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:37,910
Oh, yes, of course I do.

76
00:05:38,750 --> 00:05:40,590
James, get off the fucking stage.

77
00:05:41,350 --> 00:05:43,370
How many times do I have to say this?

78
00:05:44,330 --> 00:05:45,470
Kitten has claws.

79
00:05:46,750 --> 00:05:48,950
Thank you. Good luck. Call me.

80
00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:57,850
Hi, everyone. My name is Mary Jane
Watson.

81
00:05:58,150 --> 00:05:59,390
People call me MJ.

82
00:06:00,350 --> 00:06:04,210
I just want to say that this is truly an
honor and a privilege. All right, let's

83
00:06:04,210 --> 00:06:06,350
move it along, shall we? Yes, of course.

84
00:06:07,270 --> 00:06:10,670
Will I be reading with Ryan?

85
00:06:11,850 --> 00:06:15,990
I mean, I can totally read with a stand
-in or even alone.

86
00:06:16,850 --> 00:06:22,210
But, as you know, this scene does call
for somewhat physical interaction with

87
00:06:22,210 --> 00:06:26,870
Deadpool, and I thought maybe my
character... Yes, Deadpool, Deadpool,

88
00:06:26,870 --> 00:06:28,250
problem. You can read with Deadpool.

89
00:06:28,550 --> 00:06:31,220
Wait! Please come back to the stage.

90
00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:33,580
Wayne. Of course.

91
00:06:33,980 --> 00:06:35,900
Method. Never be character.

92
00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:42,240
Wayne!

93
00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:53,900
Sorry. Sorry. I was just pinching it all
over the thing.

94
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,000
Can I take my shoes off real quick?

95
00:07:15,700 --> 00:07:17,000
Sorry. Sure.

96
00:07:17,660 --> 00:07:18,660
Yeah.

97
00:07:29,140 --> 00:07:30,140
Alright.

98
00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:32,080
Alright.

99
00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:35,100
And... Action!

100
00:07:36,660 --> 00:07:37,660
Actually, I'm sorry. One more thing.

101
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:40,800
Would it be possible for me to just go
by in the curtain and come out?

102
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:43,200
Sure.

103
00:07:51,020 --> 00:07:54,840
At last, my love, we are reunited.

104
00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:59,820
Our lives can begin to intertwine once
again.

105
00:08:03,060 --> 00:08:04,060
Fine.

106
00:08:05,740 --> 00:08:08,740
Oh, you and I have much in common.

107
00:08:09,460 --> 00:08:16,440
Oh, you and I have much in common. You
see, we

108
00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:17,440
are both...

109
00:08:20,449 --> 00:08:25,990
Darkness, but together we can call with
soul.

110
00:08:29,110 --> 00:08:33,669
Heart that lovers, so they can touch us
all together.

111
00:08:35,570 --> 00:08:38,590
Take your hand and lay it on my bosom.

112
00:08:40,409 --> 00:08:42,610
He needs to feel the closeness.

113
00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:54,480
All right, let me ask you something.

114
00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:59,480
If you were to be cast in this role, are
you willing to shave your head, gain 40

115
00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:01,680
pounds, and get a face tattoo?

116
00:09:02,380 --> 00:09:03,380
What?

117
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:05,320
Yes. Yes, absolutely.

118
00:09:06,140 --> 00:09:07,640
All right, we'll let you know.

119
00:09:07,860 --> 00:09:09,580
Thanks. Thank you.

120
00:09:10,060 --> 00:09:11,060
Thank you.

121
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:13,280
Yeah.

122
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:15,640
Good luck.

123
00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:18,920
Yes,

124
00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:20,340
Tommy, I understand.

125
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:22,000
Yes.

126
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,780
And you tell that Zendaya to stop
blowing up my phone already.

127
00:09:26,980 --> 00:09:29,880
I'm not one of those dime -a -dozen CAA
agents.

128
00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:32,340
I'm James LeBlow, damn it.

129
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:33,940
Show me some respect.

130
00:09:38,020 --> 00:09:39,700
I'm so sorry, Tommy.

131
00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:41,920
It's my blood sugar.

132
00:09:42,620 --> 00:09:43,620
Hey there.

133
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:46,240
Hi. You know, I have to tell you.

134
00:09:47,140 --> 00:09:50,380
I thought you were acting really, really
good.

135
00:09:51,060 --> 00:09:52,060
Really?

136
00:09:52,420 --> 00:09:55,800
Yeah, really. It made my balls feel all
warm and fuzzy.

137
00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:59,360
Oh my god, Ryan, you're hilarious.

138
00:10:01,980 --> 00:10:02,980
Ryan?

139
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:10,920
Hey, um, I don't mean to, like, fangirl,
um, but I know we're probably going to

140
00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:12,020
end up working together anyway.

141
00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:14,400
I was wondering if I could get your
autograph.

142
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:17,720
I've been a fan for, like, such a long
time.

143
00:10:18,570 --> 00:10:21,750
I even used to have that Wilder poster
in my dorm room.

144
00:10:22,710 --> 00:10:24,070
Uh, yeah.

145
00:10:24,890 --> 00:10:27,490
No problem at all. Say, do you have a
piece of paper?

146
00:10:27,810 --> 00:10:29,710
Or do you want me to sign your boobies?

147
00:10:30,670 --> 00:10:31,670
Yes, please.

148
00:10:33,290 --> 00:10:34,290
Okay,

149
00:10:40,990 --> 00:10:41,990
I'll get it.

150
00:10:45,010 --> 00:10:46,010
Face it, Tiger.

151
00:10:46,170 --> 00:10:47,570
You just hit the jackpot.

152
00:10:56,270 --> 00:10:57,470
Oh, what's your name again?

153
00:10:58,550 --> 00:11:01,410
Oh, whatever. Who gives a fuck?

154
00:11:04,950 --> 00:11:06,030
You're just the red devil.

155
00:11:28,210 --> 00:11:29,750
You're perfect for this role.

156
00:11:30,010 --> 00:11:31,010
Oh, yeah.

157
00:11:31,810 --> 00:11:33,410
Satan's daughter, here we come.

158
00:11:45,030 --> 00:11:46,030
That's right.

159
00:11:51,070 --> 00:11:52,470
What are you doing?

160
00:11:53,030 --> 00:11:54,070
Here's the question.

161
00:11:54,570 --> 00:11:58,870
For the love of God, we cannot do this
anymore.

162
00:11:59,930 --> 00:12:01,810
Remember what happened to Weinstein?

163
00:12:02,470 --> 00:12:07,930
You know, I always told Harv, I said,
this whole massage thing, I mean,

164
00:12:08,610 --> 00:12:10,970
You're fat, you're ugly.

165
00:12:11,370 --> 00:12:13,190
Oh, not again.

166
00:12:15,070 --> 00:12:16,070
You're welcome.

167
00:12:16,910 --> 00:12:17,910
Again.

168
00:12:18,490 --> 00:12:19,570
Now, where were we?

169
00:12:21,430 --> 00:12:22,430
Yes.

170
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:25,560
What's your name?

171
00:12:25,860 --> 00:12:32,120
Mary Jane Watson. Oh, fuck. Mary Jane
Watson. Oh, my

172
00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:33,300
God.

173
00:12:43,980 --> 00:12:48,180
Oh, my God.

174
00:13:23,199 --> 00:13:25,720
oh yeah oh yeah

175
00:14:04,270 --> 00:14:06,170
Yes. Yes.

176
00:14:06,990 --> 00:14:09,450
Oh my goodness.

177
00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:14,790
Oh my goodness.

178
00:14:18,170 --> 00:14:21,170
Oh my goodness.

179
00:14:49,550 --> 00:14:50,550
Oh, my God.

180
00:15:28,300 --> 00:15:31,900
Yes. Oh my god.

181
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:30,140
Yes, yes, yes, yes.

182
00:17:41,439 --> 00:17:48,160
Oh, my God.

183
00:17:50,790 --> 00:17:51,830
That's so good.

184
00:17:54,810 --> 00:17:56,210
That's very Mary Jane.

185
00:18:01,050 --> 00:18:03,490
Oh, my God. Oh,

186
00:18:05,410 --> 00:18:06,890
yes, yes, yes.

187
00:18:29,919 --> 00:18:32,720
Oh shit.

188
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:45,520
You're freaky.

189
00:19:45,660 --> 00:19:46,980
You know where this mask has been.

190
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:04,920
Hmm.

191
00:23:21,060 --> 00:23:22,460
um

192
00:27:16,330 --> 00:27:17,330
Oh.

193
00:28:16,490 --> 00:28:17,490
Come on, Ian.

194
00:28:22,290 --> 00:28:27,590
Come on.

195
00:30:05,379 --> 00:30:08,160
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

196
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:13,680
Oh, you want to taste that, come on. Oh,
my

197
00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:19,160
God.

198
00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:33,880
oh oh

199
00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:39,800
oh

200
00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:43,640
oh yeah

201
00:31:30,580 --> 00:31:31,680
Thank you, Ryan.

202
00:31:33,300 --> 00:31:34,860
Oh yeah, I've been meaning to ask you.

203
00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:36,360
Who's this Ryan guy?

204
00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:41,440
Honey,

205
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:56,120
I'm home.

206
00:31:58,840 --> 00:31:59,840
Way in the bed.

207
00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:09,680
You're the living bejesus out of me,
wall crawler.

208
00:32:10,500 --> 00:32:13,140
What the hell are you even doing here? I
could ask you the same thing.

209
00:32:13,540 --> 00:32:15,500
By the way, huge fan of your movies.

210
00:32:16,180 --> 00:32:18,560
Teary -dough -eyed Tobey Maguire with
that sweet lisp.

211
00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:19,840
So adorable.

212
00:32:20,620 --> 00:32:22,340
And I don't know how I felt about Tom
Holland.

213
00:32:22,820 --> 00:32:24,560
Tells how I'm doing Umbrella and Lip
Sync Battle.

214
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:27,060
Holy shit, that boy can dance.

215
00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:29,040
They should cast him as Fred Astaire, am
I right?

216
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:32,320
Dude. And Garfield. Wow, he's great in
Social Network.

217
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:35,260
But he just isn't right for Spidey. I
mean, for the love of fuck, he's

218
00:32:35,580 --> 00:32:38,480
That's like having a Yankee play James
Bond. And that's just a big no -no.

219
00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:40,700
Tom Holland is British, too. What?

220
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:43,100
Dude, what are you doing here?

221
00:32:43,460 --> 00:32:44,460
Ah, jeez.

222
00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:45,560
You're so nosy.

223
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:48,980
You know, I'm not one to kiss and tell.
But I bone this super hot redhead, and

224
00:32:48,980 --> 00:32:49,839
she's got her IDs.

225
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:51,680
So I thought I'd come over here, maybe
we could do something together.

226
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:52,799
Like anal.

227
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:54,300
Wait, you did what?

228
00:32:54,860 --> 00:32:55,860
You know.

229
00:32:57,450 --> 00:32:58,450
Oh, God.

230
00:32:58,630 --> 00:32:59,670
I know, right?

231
00:33:00,510 --> 00:33:01,469
Funny story.

232
00:33:01,470 --> 00:33:05,010
We were doing auditions for my newest
porn parody, and this smoking hot chick

233
00:33:05,010 --> 00:33:08,270
showed up. I mean, she was all over me.
She kept calling me Ryan.

234
00:33:08,750 --> 00:33:13,370
Anyway, long story short, we made the
Jimmy fucking Chongas, if you catch my

235
00:33:13,370 --> 00:33:15,590
drift. And she was... She's my
girlfriend, you asshole.

236
00:33:15,830 --> 00:33:17,530
What? You're Ryan.

237
00:33:17,750 --> 00:33:18,750
No.

238
00:33:19,070 --> 00:33:20,670
My name is Peter.

239
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:27,280
It's any consolation.

240
00:33:27,660 --> 00:33:28,660
You're super cute.

241
00:33:28,940 --> 00:33:30,160
Am I curious, butt champ?

242
00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:34,100
We have to undo this. There has to be a
way.

243
00:33:34,620 --> 00:33:38,520
I hate to break it to you, PDO, but
there's a slight difference between your

244
00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:39,520
girlfriend and a light bulb.

245
00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:41,380
You can unscrew a light bulb.

246
00:33:42,100 --> 00:33:43,100
Okay.

247
00:33:45,100 --> 00:33:46,100
That wasn't bad taste.

248
00:33:47,020 --> 00:33:48,020
I apologize.

249
00:33:48,780 --> 00:33:50,280
And you know what? I'm going to help you
fix this.

250
00:33:51,540 --> 00:33:52,700
Let me buy you a drink.

251
00:33:53,580 --> 00:33:55,240
I don't drink. Oh!

252
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:56,600
recovering alcoholic?

253
00:33:57,480 --> 00:33:58,940
Teetotaler. Huh?

254
00:33:59,500 --> 00:34:02,560
I abstain from alcoholic beverages as a
choice.

255
00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:05,240
Wow.

256
00:34:05,660 --> 00:34:06,559
That's lame.

257
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:07,560
But I respect it.

258
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:11,780
You abstain from other fun things like
sex that might be the worst. Do you want

259
00:34:11,780 --> 00:34:12,900
me to shoot my web up your ass?

260
00:34:14,900 --> 00:34:15,900
Totally overstepped.

261
00:34:33,929 --> 00:34:35,310
We gotta turn back time.

262
00:34:36,050 --> 00:34:39,270
Right. You got a time machine in your
pocket, Brainiac?

263
00:34:39,530 --> 00:34:42,790
No, Mr. Sarcastic, but I may just know
someone who can do the trick.